Dear Mr. Santa,
I would like to say upfront, that despite a level of belief in my youth, I have come to be very skeptical of your existence in adulthood. However, as skeptics such as myself are often accused of being closed minded, I am willing to give you the benefit of doubt and give you an opportunity to come out form the mists of mythology and confirm the main claims that surround you.
The central claims being:
- Through some form of omniscients or other psy powers, you are able to make moral assessments of strangers behavior whilst ensconced somewhere above the arctic circle. In short "you know when someone has been naughty or nice".
- Those who's behavior has been adjudicated in the positive, may request items from you. That is, good kids receive presents from you.
- The aforementioned requested gifts are then transported, by some as yet unknown means of warping time and space, to the requestees at their locals on December 24 or possibly Boxing Day if one is in Canada.
You claim to deliver requested gifts on Christmas Eve to people that have been good.
At this point we'll dispense with other ancillary claims involving flying cervids, an elven workforce and other such claims.
There is no need for me to list my "good" behaviors from the past year, as you're all ready aware by means of your powers.
As I was good, I'll be making the following request for delivery on Christmas morning.
One new 2022 Ford Bronco. Color and trim level to be determined by you, although the Sasquatch Package would be greatly appreciated. I'm looking forward to cooperation in this matter as you prove the claims associated with you.
Skeptically yours, NorCal Dave
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